[hohp] noun.

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."
Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm lucky. 

Really lucky. 

My close friends know I've gone through a lot in my life. Yet, whenever I think about it, I always feel like my troubles are nothing compared to so much that I see and hear. But that's not why I'm lucky.


What about my family and friends? All those tight knit people that know me for me. Absolutely I love all of them, but not why I'm lucky.



(Cue the traditional holiday blessings speech about having a roof over my head and plenty of food, water and clothing) Of course, I am absolutely thankful for that. And truly blessed. But it's not why I'm lucky.

No. I was thinking today about hope. About what it means. About how powerful a word it is. About how powerful a concept it is.

Hope, to me, is staring adversity in the face and believing in the ability to overcome it.

It's not the act of overcoming. It's the belief.

Power is often given to actions. And this is certainly not unjustified. But when actions fail, it's hope that causes you to try again. In fact, hope often springs from the near insurmountable odds that accompany difficult times. It's light to fill the darkness.

No matter how blessed we are, everyone has good days and bad days. Everyone has moments of elation and disillusionment. Everyone has times when they struggle, and some when they are unable to find hope. And I'm lucky because I always seem to find it. And I am never happier than when I am hopeful.

Happy New Year. Be Safe. Stay Hopeful.

Who am I?

"I must first know myself; to be curious about that which is not my concern, while I am still in ignorance of my own self would be ridiculous."
- Plato


"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
-- Dr. Seuss

I’m strange, I know that.

I like to talk about real things on a first date, like your passions, and your beliefs and what makes you get up in the morning. I live to see that smile come across a person’s face when they talk about something they love, even if it isn’t me. I love it even more when I‘m responsible for it.

I love throwing myself into new situations, and friendships and relationships. Jumping in feet first with no idea how deep the water may be. I am impulsive. I move too quickly. And I ignore the “rules”. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I wish everyone else did as well. I make a lot of bad decisions as a result, but I never regret any of them.

I tell jokes when they're probably not quite appropriate. I have difficulty meeting new people. I try to prevent myself from "filtering" who I am on social media. I am passionate about those closest to me. I don't know if I make a good first impression or not. Yes, I really am that interested in getting to know you. I do everything I can to be true to myself. And every time I meet someone that doesn't "get me" I have to remind myself that I'm proud of who I am. That I'm complicated. That I'm different. And if you don't want to take the time to get to know me, I can't do anything about it. That's your choice.

I might not be the best person I can be, but that doesn’t mean I'm going to stop trying.

And to all my friends that accept these things about me, and especially to those that appreciate them and realize they are what make me, truly me. There aren’t many of you out there, but thank you. Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. May you feel as lucky and blessed as I do.

To everyone else, you might as well learn to deal with it, because I ain’t changing and I’m not going anywhere.

Let's do this. 

 

Second Chances

"Wrong turns are as important as right turns. More important, sometimes"

- Richard Bach


I said at the beginning this would be a process. And failure is often a step you must take in growth.

I promised consistency and delivered quite the opposite.

Two months is a long time. Especially in the blogging world. Luckily according to my page views, no one really missed me.



I bet you're wondering what brought me back. What Earth shattering event broke through 60+ days of compounding apathy and personal disappointment:

Well, frankly, I couldn't sleep.

Normally this isn't a problem for me. But some events today had my mind asking a lot of questions. See I've been torn for a while now about whether or not I'm on my path, and what exactly that means.

I'm so used to being where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to do, that it's hard for me to know what it feels like to be headed in the wrong direction and even harder to recognize guidance when it's given to me.

So I write.



Sometimes the only way to quiet your mind is to get out of it.



When your brain is in overdrive it's important to re-connect to your heart.


And there's no better way to find your heart and lose your mind than to write.



Pun not withstanding, it's the truth. And that's what I came here 3 months ago looking for:

Truth.



I'm not certain it's a coincidence that my abandonment of this blog and my acceptance of my current job coincided.

I guess we'll find out in the coming weeks.

But I will tell you, I won't go down that road so easily this time.


So I return to you tonight hat in hand.

Though I don't believe in mistakes, only opportunities.

And I fully intend to take advantage of this one.

Day 12 - Growth, Focus and False Beliefs

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.”
- Earl Shoaf


Sleep is just a killer for me.

I wish I could survive on 6 hours a night, like so many others do.

The extra 2, 3, even 4 hours could help me be so much more productive .



This is what we call a false belief.

It's not false because it isn't true. I probably would be more productive, albeit slightly, if I had an extra 4 hours to use every day.

It's false because it is blocking the true root of the problem: which is that I'm not maximizing the time I already have. What's to say I would use that extra time wisely.

No the problem isn't in how much I sleep, that's necessary for me to be at my best. The problem is making effective use of the time I have. That's what I need to work on.

The desire to create more time by sleeping less is just a cop out. 




Of course the issue is too often in our lives we come across a problem and we focus on the cause that is the easiest to admit to and that's what we try to fix.

Just because a solution is easy doesn't mean it's right.

In fact when it comes to personal growth and introspection, quite often it's the difficult answer we choose not to face that is the one we truly need to deal with.

Growth is a process not a step. It doesn't stop with the effort you put in when you begin. But if you push hard enough eventually it feeds and compounds on itself. And the inertia you build up will enable you to one day wake up and realize that it no longer takes any effort to grow.




Finally, I have to give a shout out to my fellow Mt. Lebonite Christina Cindrich. I just found her on twitter last week, and I have to admit I like her.

She's smart, driven, successful and a good communicator. You can check out this article by her on the 5 DO's and DON'Ts of staying focused. It is very good and hits on a lot of things I've been talking about here.

It's also on a website called Pushydreamers.com.which I'll probably talk about soon.

Anyway Christina I wish you all the best.

Day 9 - 2 steps forward, 1 step back

"The first half of life is spent mainly in finding out who we are through seeing ourselves in our interaction with others. "
June Singer 

Sorry I haven't been with you guys too much the last couple of days. There are two reasons for this.

First, I started up my old blog again. You can see it here  It's more of a sports blog, and with the NHL All-Star Weekend upon us, I couldn't resist putting some new stuff on it. Unfortunately, my posts on it take a lot longer to craft than on here. In the future I don't feel it will get in the way as much, as it is a much more infrequent output for me than this blog.

Second, I've both been busier and lazier the last couple of days. I just can't seem to shake the sleeping in thing. And the problem is when I don't get up until 10am, 11am, even noon, by the time I get breakfast, walk my dog, take a shower and start looking at this stuff I normally have somewhere to be.

The good news is that I have been finding time for the stuff I really want to be doing, but it's a process and I haven't quite settled into the dynamics of it yet.

I think the good update though is I've been doing a lot better with waste when it comes to money. In fact, I'll probably hit you with a post about it in the next couple of days, which reminds me of something.

If you have any questions about anything I write, want me to talk about anything specific, or explain in greater detail anything I cover by all means please email me about it.

I've gotten positive feedback from people so far about the blog. But what I want everyone to know is that while this may come off as just about me and what I'm going through, I'm really hoping along the way to hit on some universal truths in it that resonate with my readers.

Day 7 - That was a longer break than I anticipated

“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them a desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.”
- Muhammad Ali

I don't think I'm ready yet to get into the complete accountability details of how I'm doing. What I think I will say though, is I'm doing okay, and I wish I was doing better.

I'm having breakthroughs and set backs. I'd say I'm doing less wasting time, but I have yet to really take complete control of it.

I'm not cycling through web pages, or watching mindless drivel on TV as much as I normally do. As a result I have definitely got more done on a day to day basis. But I'm also still not jumping out of bed refreshed in the morning, ready to seize the day. And I haven't completely eliminated waste from my life. But then again it's a process and sometimes you have to recognize progress and be patient with yourself.

Breaking yourself from habit is hard. As anyone that has ever quit smoking, tried to start working out or went on a diet can attest to.  Part of the point of this blog was to break my bad habits in a public fashion, because I knew even if I only had a couple occasional readers, that was at least someone else that would know I failed.

Sometimes it's easy to let yourself down, it's a lot harder to do it to other people. But that's when I realized that this is another area where I want to make a change. Just because it's easy to let yourself off the hook, doesn't mean I want to accept that. And even though I can use peer pressure and social stigma to push myself, doesn't mean it's going to work any better in the long run.

At the end of the day you still have to be able to look yourself in the mirror. I want to be able to say good job and mean it. Even though I can use this as an aid or a push at times, I want to be able to do this for me, because that's the only way I'll stick to it.

Also for anyone that likes sports I revived my other blog The Legend and The Law.

Day 5 - Take a break

So no deep thoughts today.

Yesterday I was pretty lazy, watched too much TV, didn't get enough done. But today I made up for it and did a complete clean on my house. It's amazing how much better you feel when you are accomplishing something.

Tomorrow is all about going out and talking to people. Booking Terrance Vaughn Band for some gigs. If you don't know about my relationship with him I'm kind of his manager. He doesn't work exclusively through me, but I take care of his social networking stuff, email list, and other stuff he doesn't have time for. This is the facebook page I am working with him on.

I did want to hit you all with one thing though. You have to see a movie called "Exit Through the Gift Shop". It's a documentary about street art. Well actually it's a documentary about a documentary about street art. It's complicated, but it's also amazing and a very good story. It's definitely a film that will be liked by both movie purists and people that think documentaries are meant for PBS and that's it.

You have to see it if for no other reason than one of the main characters "Banksy" has two lines in the film, one at just before the one hour mark, and the other just at the end, that are drop dead hilarious. It's on Hulu right now, so it's very easy to see for free. And it is also up for an academy award for best doc.

It's one of the best movies I have seen all year.

Anyway, gotta run, will definitely have more tomorrow.

Day 4 - Paths

There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go.
Richard Bach

Something happened over the weekend I want to talk about, but before I do that I need to tell you about one of the events that led me to Day 1. About a week ago one of my buddies and I went down to the casino. I took my Christmas bonus money, which I had been leaving aside for a PS3; all I was waiting for was a sale. Long story short, lost my PS3 money.

And I thought about it a lot last week. I felt like there was a lesson to be learned there. And while I realize it could have just been a mistake on my part, a lot of people lose money at the casino, I tend not to think so; as the quote of the day says, there are no mistakes. What I took from it was that I had too much of a connection with material desires. Even with all the good reasons I wanted the system, it was still another thing I didn’t need. It was one of the biggest revelations that led me to this decision.

So this weekend, I see on slickdeals, that the exact PS3 I had been waiting for finally goes on sale. I go to the site, sign up, put in the promotion code, but as I’m going to check out I got a knot in my stomach, I was closing. (for those of you I’ve talked about my IGS practice with, you know what I’m talking about. For everyone else I’ll describe it like this: it didn’t feel good in my gut. I knew it was the wrong decision to go through with buying it). So I didn’t.

The next day I woke up, checked out the site and saw the deal had passed. And for some reason I felt relief at having missed it.

Now I don’t know why I wasn’t supposed to buy the system, it could be any number of reasons. I’m pretty broke right now, so it just would have been another thing on my credit card. Plus I had already squandered the money I was supposed to spend on it. Maybe it was a lesson in what I need vs. don’t need. Or maybe because I don’t have the money now, it’s a lesson to stay within my means. For all I know there could be a better deal coming soon that I will get for it and that’s the reason I wasn’t supposed to buy it.

The funny thing is when I went out to the casino that night last week, I was closing too. I was being told it was a bad idea but I ignored the feeling and went anyway. If I would have stayed at home, like my gut was telling me to, I still would have had that money and probably would have bought the system. At the same time I don’t know that I would have reached the same breaking point last week that led me to this blog and everything that comes along with it.

I guess what I’m saying is when we diverge from the path we’re supposed to be on, but find ourselves on a path that we are happy with, what does that say about our original path?

Day 3 - Choosing what I want over what I don't want

“You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
- Christopher Columbus

It probably wasn’t the greatest idea to start this mission on a weekend, as Saturdays and Sundays seem to be inherently more “lazy” days. But who doesn’t like a challenge, right? And all things considered I’m actually not doing so badly at this point.

Yesterday I spent a little more time on the internet than I wanted to, but I was doing some other things at the same time so it was still somewhat productive. Today I slept in a lot later than I had planned, but that’s fine, it’s Sunday, I can deal with having one day like that a week and it just means I need to keep the rest of my day productive (at least until the Steelers game). 

When it comes to mistakes those aren’t major ones, especially considering they’re the kind of things that are going to become a lot easier once I strip away the clutter in the rest of my life and everything becomes more focused. Speaking of clutter, on to the good I did yesterday.  

I started my purging. The overarching theme of this life change is choosing what I want over what I don’t want. In that case there is no better place to start than my “stuff”. I’ve tried this before, going through my closet and getting rid of old clothes, clearing out drawers; and I’ve done okay. But for some reason I have a really strong material possession instinct. Even though it feels good to get rid of stuff, I can just never seem to make the decision to give up on much of it. I also have my weaknesses, like my DVD’s and books which I collect like a pack rat.

So yesterday I started going through all my “stuff” and I did so with a much tougher attitude, if I didn’t love it, or have a pressing need for it, I tossed it aside. And I was proud of myself. But as I wrote this today I realized I still wasn’t doing enough.

I made this change knowing it would be drastic, because that’s what I needed. And just getting rid of more than I used to get rid of isn’t drastic enough to force change. If I really want to make my life different I’m going to have to challenge myself. It’s only when we push ourselves to our limits that we learn who we truly are.

Half.

That’s what I decided today I’m going to get rid of. Half the stuff I own.

It’s definitely going to be a challenge. But you know what? I know I can do it. And I get the feeling as I force myself to get rid of at least half, I’m probably going to end up getting rid of much, much more. That's the way it works. Sometimes once you get that ball rolling it grows so big you can't stop it.

I can already see the shore shrinking behind me.

Day 2

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware ~ Henry Miller


It’s probably a good idea to try to explain some of the origins of the blog.We'll call this part focus and time management.

You my whole life I’ve had a problem with focus. Part of it is because I’m very eclectic; I have a wide range of interests and hobbies. And that in and of itself would be fine except I never fully follow through with pursuing any of them. Instead I jump from interest to interest like I have a bad case of ADD.

The second part of my lack of focus is worse though. If it was just varied interests, I wouldn’t have as much of an issue, but its not. I let myself get distracted by far less important things. Television, facebook, the internet, all these new technologies, and some older ones, that were created to occupy our time are doing just that, and more, for me. They’re hijacking my time.

Too often I wake up and turn the TV on, check my email on my cell phone, scroll through the last 50 or so tweets on my feed, all completely worthless tasks. I've realized before how much time I wasted on all these things but like a true addict I couldn't stop. I was sacrificing things I actually wanted for re-runs of 90's sitcoms, Sportscenter and the random thoughts of other people.

So that’s resolution #1 for me. Some steps I take along the line will be drastic, others not so much. This one falls somewhere in the middle.

I vow not to let worthless media dominate my life. I’m not going to watch TV when it’s not returning its value to me. I’m not going to spend a half and hour going from facebook, to twitter, to ESPN, to Yahoo! to twitter, to facebook, to ESPN, to facebook…in a ridiculous, draining cycle.

I already started working on this yesterday and I have to say: I wasted much less time than I normally would have. That’s a start at least. (Though I have to admit I scrolled through some tweets this morning when I woke up, I can’t believe they named Mike Green as an alternate captain for the NHL All-Star game!) (If you want to hear more about that check out thelegendandthelaw.blogspot.com later this week, it’s my former blog that I will probably post on a couple times a week with more sports related content.)

In the meantime I want to hear how new media affects your life, positively or negatively. You can leave a comment on the blog, shoot me an email, message me on facebook, and yes I realize the irony present in the diverse ways you can respond to the question.

Day 1

So I went to bed last night and decided to completely change my life. This blog is the first step in what I imagine will be an interesting process. Allow me to explain.


Less than a month ago I quit my job, my full-time job, with benefits, where I was making more money than I have ever made before, to start my own company. I know I'm not the first person to walk away from security in pursuit of a dream. However, in the weeks since I quit I’ve found myself distracted, stumbling my way through the necessary steps to achieve that dream.

Too often in my life I have let myself lose focus. Prioritize things incorrectly, let go of going after what I actually wanted in the pursuit of things I really didn’t. And that’s why I’m here today. To get rid of everything I don't want in my life and then follow through with pursuing what I do.

I know I've lied to myself for too long. I always believed I would be successful, but I never actually took the steps to reach that success. It's like the old joke where the blonde wants to win the lottery. Every week she prays to God that she wins, and every week she doesn't. Eventually she grows frustrated with God and demands to know why He won’t help her win? God responds, well you got to buy a ticket.

Well I decided that it's time to buy my ticket. I’m taking back my life from all the unwanted distractions in my world. And I decided to do it publicly because I get the feeling I’m not the only person in this position.

I'm not sure exactly what this blog will end up being. I know at times it will include confessions, goals, successes, struggles, jokes, and most of all: truth. I imagine it will end up being part journal, part platform and part stage. By the end I hope it will be a well rounded record of one of the biggest decisions of my life.

As for anyone that reads it, I hope it can be a source of humor, entertainment, insight and maybe if I'm lucky even inspiration.